My phone buzzed with an in-coming message. It was Ukyt replying to my previous message:Thumbing through my Nokia 5210's keypad, I composed my message and hit the send button.The subject was Snowball, the huge year-end party organised by Fridae as one of the two major gay and lesbian parties in Singapore. I think this one is going to be huge since they have already booked a convention hall in Suntec City for it.

As usual, I am not going. But there's no particular philosophical or existential reason for it.

Though in the past, I may have been biased against the whole hedonistic party thing that the majority of gay men seem to go for. That, however, is no longer an issue with me anymore. If they want to party, by all means party and have a great time at it.

You see, I used to have a problem in trying to over-rationalise and over-think things. I look at all these gay men spending enormous amount of time in the gym pumping and preening to look good for the weekends or some major parties and wonder why they put so much effort in such hedonistic goals when they can do other more productive and contributive things. Of course, this led me to see the futility of it all when at the end of the day, we all grow old and die. So what's the point of it? Why don't we use our time more fruitfully in things that count and make a difference instead?

And in turn, this led me to see them in very non-flattering ways and resulted in my biasness against them.

Somewhere along the way, I don't know how or when, my perception changed.

I've often ranted against other gay men being unable to accept diversity in the gay world (ie: no chubs, no fems, Chinese only, etc.) and yet, I was guilty of that myself.

Even though my values are different, it by no means makes theirs any less valid than mine. If all they want is to party and look good, who am I to think poorly of them. Superficial or not, they have every right to live their lives the way they want to.

Just as I believe that my life is multi-faceted, why can't I accept that some or all of their lives are multi-faceted as well and that party and gymming are just two facets of it?

And just because I go for very different things doesn't make what they go for any less valid than mine.

So there you have it, a new and different outlook of mine. Whether I may go for a future Fridae party or not, I don't know. But one thing I do know is that I have relearned acceptance of differences and diversity. And no longer will I write someone off base on what I assume to be his self-absorbed vanity; that will be most unfair of me to do since I don't even know anything about him much less what his aspirations and desires in life are.

At the end of the day, it's only a party after all. And though life may not be a party, why should that stop people from going out, looking good and having a time of their lives as long as they don't hurt others in the process.

So to all you ice queens, snow bitches, faeries and podium snowmen (I meant that as a term of endearment :-)), have a great time at snowball and enjoy the blizzard. You'll hear no condemnation from me. Careful with the cold or your nipples may harden and stand out. But then again, your shirts are going to come off anyway and a hardened nipple may just look good on you. :-)

(Note: SMS messages above are written from recollection and may not be verbatim. Memory ain't what it used to be.)

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On another note, I was quite touched by Ukyt's message in wanting me to be there with him and his friends. My friendship with him is rather different than my friendship with the others in our group. Though we may not talk or see each other often, we connect differently. I don't know how, but the connection is much subtler, like a barely perceptible undercurrent that only some people may feel. My sister senses it and has told me about it on a few occasions.

Last Wednesday night, as we were waiting outside Taboo, he asked me how I was feeling. Puzzled, I told him that I was okay and asked him why he asked. He then said that he worries for my physical state at times, especially my headaches that come once in a while. And then later on as I was leaving Waterbar for home, he took the effort to walk me out through the crushing crowd and to the entrance before bidding me goodbye and a Merry Christmas. Now I don't know whether he does that to all his friends, but it was nice and it stood out in my memory. Then again, I may be making a big deal out of nothing.

But whatever it is, I do think highly of him and believe that there is a lot I can learn from him: little things that may seem insignificant to others but very obvious to me.